23-year-old finds out that stepmother turned her bedroom into a dog room, failed to tell her for months: 'My boxes were in the garage'

What would you do if your room were suddenly turned into a room for a dog?

As you grow up, you might have less attachment to your childhood room. You've probably moved out, maybe you have your own place, and are starting to cultivate your own life. But you still want that place to return to when it all gets to be too much. If you're lucky, that might be your childhood bedroom. Maybe your parents live in the same place and have kept your room for you. And you appreciate it. You like knowing that there is a place you can go whenever you need a little hit of home. It sustains you and makes you feel taken care of. They don't have to do this for you, and as you get older, you'll probably need it less and less, but you at least want to be kept in the loop about the status of your room. That's not what happened to this young person. 

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  • A young woman looks shocked at a room in front of her
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I in the wrong for leaving my dad's birthday dinner after finding out my stepmom turned my old room into the dog's room?

    My dad turned 51 last friday & i was supposed to stay at his house for two weeks bc a pipe brust in my apartment. i'm 23F. my mom d d when i was 15 & my dad remarried another woman when i was 17. we were never close, but it was mostly polite. after i moved out for college, my dad always told me my room would stay my room. like that jsut my stuff was safe there.
    via netvere
  • i had a few boxes in it. old yearbooks, photos, some clothes & my mom's green sweater that i kept bc it still felt like the last normal thing from before everything changed. i got to the house early before his birthday dinner to drop off my bag. my dad opened the door & looked weird right away. when i went upstairs, my room was not my room anymore.
    via netvere
  • it had a dog bed, food bowls, a little basket of toys & one of those plug in calming things. new wife's french bulldog, winston, was asleep where my bed used to be. my boxes were in the garage, some of them open. my mom's sweater was in a plastic bin that smelled damp.
    via netvere
  • i asked my dad when this happened. he said a few months ago & that he meant to tell me but didn't want to upset me. his wife said, you don't live here anymore & winston gets anxious downstairs. i said i was not staying there. my dad said not to do this on his birthday. i told him he had months to tell me & chose to let me walk into it. at that moment i just had a lack of emotions, devasted & felt betrayed by my own father.
    via netvere
  • new wife started crying & said i was acting like she k led my mother. nobody screamed, but the room got awkward fast. my aunt offered me her spare room, so i left before dinner. now my dad keeps saying i made him look like a bad father in front of everyone. wife texted me that i turned a harmless room change into a mess. a few relatives have said i should have just stayed for
    via netvere
  • dinner & talked about it later, but i do not know how i was supposed to sit there eating cake after finding my mom's things in a damp garage bin. non of them been on my place at that moment & felt what i did. i know i am grown. i know i do not live there anymore. but he promised me my things were safe & then made me feel dramatic for being hurt when they were not.
    via netvere

  • Commenters sided with this young woman.

    SuPruLu Reuse of the room is not the main issue. It's the failing to discuss it BEFORE it was converted to another use and letting you come and pack up, sit in the room for a while etc.
    via SuPruLu
  • A room set up for a dog
    via Real Natures Food

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Parenting, like all relationships, is all about communication. You want to make sure that you're talking about the difficult stuff. It's never a good strategy to avoid. Because it will always come to a head no matter what, and you would rather have gotten ahead of it. It's not easy, though, to face something head-on that might bring some pain to the family. You would rather not hurt anyone's feelings, but getting ahead of the story can help with that. That's not what the dad in this story did for his 23-year-old daughter. He chose to ignore a problem until it couldn't help but rear its ugly head, and then he faced the consequences. Nobody wants to come home to a surprise, unless it's a surprise birthday party or a surprise tub of ice cream in the freezer. Having your room turned into a dog palace is not a fun surprise. But that's what happened to this young woman, who was just trying to keep the peace in her blended family. Keep scrolling to read what happened here and see what you think about it.

  • ConfectionExtra7... NTA. He broke a promise. On top of that he did not let you know what you were walking into and didn't give you an option to come get stuff. Instead you find your things in a garage, obviously gone through, and a sweater left to mold. You did nothing wrong leaving. I'm glad the aunt had your back.
    via ConfectionExtra7869
  • lizziebee66 now my dad keeps saying i made him look like a bad father in front of everyone. No, he did that by not having the guts to tell you for months that this had happened and for telling you could stay with them... where exactly? Curled up with Winston in his bed?
    via lizziebee66
  • Randa08 This is entirely yoir dad's fault for being a wuss and not telling his grown daughter who doesn't live there that they were going to use the room for something else.
    via Randa08
  • Legolaslegs NTA. They could have kept your stuff somewhere safer. A closet, a corner or another room. They could have kept it in the dog's room and put a gate around it to keep it safe. Anything. The garage... for months?? That's awful.
    via Legolaslegs
  • I hope you took your things. Maybe a professional can help you with the sweater. My mom has revived old sweaters from an unfinished basement at a seamstress. Don't give up on your stuff, OP!
    via Legolaslegs
  • Your father did betray you. He let it happen. He could have warned you so you could collect your things. He could have asked you aunt to hold them. I'm sorry for your loss, being an adult doesn't lessen the hurt of losing a loved one. I hope you have family on your mom's side to go to.
    via Legolaslegs
  • A young woman with a hand on her chin looks thoughtful
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Debsha What I don't understand is why your things had to be moved out, how much square footage does a dog need? Why did they have to move things out? You are NTA, you didn't make him look like a bad father, he accomplished that all on his own.
    via Debsha
  • PRC_Spy He made a promise then didn't keep it. You have every right to be upset. It was a slightly foolish promise, though. We made a different one to our kids: 'You will always have a roof over your head and food on the table if you want/need to come back to live with us.'
    via PRC_Spy
  • We never promised them their old rooms, as things. change and we may need to downsize. But they will always have a place to stay. NTA. If you'd had some warning, you could have made your things safe.
    via PRC_Spy
  • PrincessBella1 NTA. Your Dad thought that because it was his birthday, you would just put up with it. I am so sorry that you had to find out what a spineless jellyfish your Dad is and that he cares more about pleasing his wife than letting you know the truth.
    via PrincessBella1
  • Honestly, I wouldn't even go back here except to get your Mother's things. Your Dad betrayed you and was too chicken to even tell you about it. His wife cried because she knew what she did was wrong.
    via PrincessBella1
  • Infamous-Cash91... NTA you didn't make him look like a bad father, he did that entirely himself
    via Infamous-Cash9165
  • LowkeyLokigator did they think would happen when you saw it? Just shrug and curl up in a dog bed?
    via LowkeyLokigator
  • WinEquivalent4069 All he had to do was a call. A simple heads up of "Hey, since you no longer live here my wife would like to use the room for our dog" or something to that effect. NTA because dad couldn't communicate with his own daughter about a promise he made.
    via WinEquivalent4069
  • Bounce_Bounce_... NTA but I really think it's your dad who is the problem here. He's let his wife do this and not wanted to tell you. That's just cowardly on his part. I do think that at some point things need to move on.
    via Bounce_Bounce_Betty
  • You're 23 you don't need your things at your dad's house. They have the right to use the house as suits them. BUT. The stuff should have been packed up respectfully and given to you. Again, that's on your dad.
    via Bounce_Bounce_Betty

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